rollercoaster

well, don't let anyone tell you that this trying to conceive thing ain't a wild ride... i'm sure even if you get pregnant your first month of trying it's a wild ride. not that i'd know what that was like. it's a very different ride when your in month 9 (or 10 depending on how you count it) of ttc. every month seems like a very hot, crowded trip to the amusement park with an onion and chili hot dog thrown in just to keep things interesting. and i'm sure the veterans of infertility probably look at my own journey (thus far) and laugh at my innocence. so far i just have my own hormones to contend with... no shots or pills to make the stomach-lurching drops that much more exciting.

this month was no exception. of course the first two weeks are just like the long-line to the newest, fastest, baddest rollercoaster in the park. it's hot, it's long, you never expected to be surrounded by so many pimply-faced teenagers... (ok, maybe not that last part). there's the anticipation... the excitement... the fear that it may not be all it's stacked up to be... or that you'll flake out at the last minute. ultimately, no one goes to the amusement park for the line. they go for the ride. and just like the coaster, the first drop is always the best. except on this coaster, you get to have a lot of sex... and i mean, a lot. at first it's fun... the bumps, the twirls, the highs, the sighs..., but by the third or fourth baby-making session of the week, you're really ready for the ride to end. of course the temperature spike means the fun has only begun. every day your nerves start to fray a little further... (a friend reports she's just gotten pregnant with her second... and she wasn't even trying!) more than a week into it, your going to sleep early just so you can wake up and take your temperature. mysterious symptoms seem to emerge. tingling in your breasts, a nauseous, hungry feeling pursuing you all day, not to mention how you think you're smelling things you've never smelled before. a few days later your temperature takes a nosedive. (i didn't even see that drop coming!) you admit defeat. the ride must be over... and i was just starting to enjoy it. but wait, tomorrow your temperature's higher. and higher still the next day. what's this? my period's late? (oh, my, i never knew the ride went so high! i can see the ocean from here!) click... click... oh, sh*t! it's another drop! i think i lost that nasty hot dog i was eating before... and next thing you know you're back on line again.