on the cusp of initiation

so i realize that i never really responded to my own post of a couple weeks ago. katie's comment was enough to push me over the edge -- i'm planning to toss the cbe monitor, the opks, and the bbt thermometer in the recycle bin and take a break from official baby-making for a few months. old af should be on her way any minute now. her arrival will mark the end of 12-months of ttc, and despite the ineptitude of this month's attempt, i think that that makes me officially infertile. i feel like there should be a chocolate martini party to mark this occasion. for all the crap i've been through for the past year and for all the crap that is still to come -- there should be a little interlude of merry-making to mark this rather grim proclamation. no? heaven knows, nature does quite the hazing -- we should at least be able to throw on the togas and fill-up the beer bong once in a while to relieve the stress. (for full-disclosure, i must admit that i haven't been to a toga party since my 14th birthday and i have not once used a beer bong... i think that makes me long overdue.)

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time to change that banner

though it feels more like halloween out there now than it did last week, i think it's time to bring out a more romantic, wintery banner, don't you think. maybe it will perk up my spirits just a bit.

i'll admit it... last week sucked. #1, i think mil and i completely missed my ovulation this month... thanks to #2 which was that mil had a pretty horrendous exam that kept him at the library overnight and he still thought he failed (which means summer school). and #3 well, you know #3 from my last post. when i went to houston, my mom looked so thin and tired. she barely moved all weekend -- even when my adorable niece came over to visit. fortunately, things have turned around a bit this week. on monday, my mom had a fluid infusion which gave her some energy, and the doctors thought of another medication that might get her stomach pumping again, so as of yet, she hasn't had to get a feeding tube. though we're not out of the woods, we're still in a much better place than we were last week. other good news was that mil passed his exam, so he still has a shot of avoiding summer school! yay!

ok... now that i've posted... here comes the new banner.

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ugh

so. i don't really know where to begin. i feel empty right now. deflated... depressed... i talked to my parents this morning, and it sounds like my mom is going to have to get a feeding tube. her stomach hasn't started working again on its own, and she isn't getting enough nutrients right now to sustain her. her doctor is worried. the feeding tube should make her feel better though... it's just that it's more surgery (albeit small surgery) and a constant reminder that she has cancer. she'll still be able to eat what she can, but the feeding tube will supplement her diet. i imagine its something she can do at home... i don't know if it will affect her ability to travel... for some reason it seems like it would. fortunately, i just booked a ticket to houston for tomorrow, and i had already bought a ticket for two weeks from now, so i should be able to spend time with her.

on top of all this mil is in an exam right now... he's been in this exam since 10am this morning, and he doesn't even know about my mom. the one person i can really lean on. it's been a tough day... and i have barely gotten up off the couch.

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