getting excited

well, after all the fretting and freaking, i feel like we are finally getting down to the wire. one month to go before the free for all... one more month of "protection." i'm not sure how to feel. i can now talk to mil about getting pregnant without watching his blood pressure rise (dramatically). i can get excited about the prospect of increased frequency of procreation (sounds just thrilling put that way, doesn't it?). but it also means i can start freaking out about what we're going to do when (if) we have a child. i mean kids are expensive! where am i going to work? what kind of childcare can we afford? where will we live? so many questions??? then of course there's a whole hell of a lot of details that just aren't up to us, such as if we're fertile... and how long it will take before sperm meets egg... and whether they'll end up making a live, healthy baby... oh, yeah, and where we're gonna live.

honestly, though, these questions mean little to nothing when i think about the possibility of making a new life with my beloved mil... when i think of nurturing and growing our child inside of me... when i think of how lucky that child will be to have mil as a father (and hopefully me as a mother, but who knows about that one). really, the excitement is almost too much to bear, and i've got a whole month of letting it bottle up inside of me before we even start trying. half of me wants to throw that diaphragm out the window now and say, "good riddance!" then the other half reminds me that short term disability is only 6 weeks and that won't get me to mil's summer vacation. phlbbt!