seeing red

yup... my trusty 28-cycle seems to be back... if i were still on my old month-to-month way of thinking, i would be crying failure about now, but i'm not. in fact, i feel blessed that i only had about two days of even being mildly hopeful for this cycle. between the travel, the lack of a/c in our condo, and my wacky temps, it was hard to really "try" this month.

on the other hand, i am beginning to think that my turn toward medication may come sooner than i had initially planned. if we time our dancing well this month, and i still don't see those two blue lines, i think i will call my doctor to see if i can talk to her about clomid. i think there might be something off with my ovulation... but i also know that this has been the most stressful year of my life, so it's possible that my body just wants to wait until the stress is over. if that's the case... it might be a long wait.

anyway, it's been a rough week. my mom's been in and out of the hospital with side effects from her chemo. as difficult as it has been, it makes us very grateful for all the time that she has felt so well so far. we are also trying to figure out how we can make sure that she continues to feel well in the future.

for all my bc friends, i still think of you often. it still takes some resolve not to go check the board to see how everyone's doing... i hope everyone is doing well! maybe i'll stop by for a visit when things slow down around here.

we're back...

whether we like it or not... no, it's good to be home. well, it was good to be home. we were home for about 60 hours before we flew down to houston. we came down for my birthday festivities since this is where all of my family now resides. we're planning a big, tasty mexican dinner for tonight which should be fun. and i get to see my lmsp niece, so that's always a treat!

hawaii was a blast... we managed not to burn too badly, and we saw a lot of ocean life in our short stay... fish, turtles, dolphins, and even an octopus. if you're ever going to kauai, be sure to check out ke'e beach and the kalalau trail. the trail is actually 11 miles each way, and you need a camping permit to go beyond the first two miles, but i would think it's worth it. we only did the first 2 miles, and the views were unmatched... simply gorgeous. also, if you're going to stay a full week (and you need at least that to fully enjoy the island), rent a condo instead of a hotel. it's much less expensive and some condos (like ours) have better views and beaches than the fancy hotels. anyway, enough advice... here are the photos.

in ttc news, i'm not anywhere exciting. i don't even know if i've ovulated this month (though my temp times range from 4:50 am to 10:15am -- this morning -- and traversed 6 time zones). i'm not too disheartened... i don't know why... i just feel like things are going to happen the way that they are meant to happen. i've decided that i'm willing to try meds if necessary, but nothing beyond that. international adoption is a wonderful (if expensive) option if my body fails to make a baby on its own. in the meantime, i'm taking it one day at a time... life is too precious to spend worrying about what will happen next.

itchy

so, in preparation for hawai'i, i went to the local "spa" -- a glorified nail salon -- to get a bikini wax... well, i've learned my lesson. the little woman who spoke about two words of english ("oh, so sorry") filleted my nether regions in a room a little larger than my closet. she didn't bother to put on rubber gloves or sterilize the shears with which she unceremoniously hacked at my little lawn (and a little skin underneath -- ouch!) i'm still recovering... and let me tell you, it's an itchy recovery. i'm not sure what type of "soothing" ointment she put on afterwards, but i'm pretty sure it was not hypoallergenic... hyperallergenic perhaps. eek. fortunately, mil bought me a large bottle of aloe vera gel, so i should be in baby-making shape by the time my ovulation rolls around. in the meantime, i caution all you ladies out there, when you get your bush whacked, make sure it is done by a licensed aesthetician.

it must be working

i actually forgot to take my temp this am... this is a first. i'm thinking it's a sign that i'm chilling-out... a little. h*ll, i should be! i'm going to hawaii on friday! this is where we're staying... i can't wait! don't worry -- i will post pictures when we get back. or if we have wireless, i might post pics while we're there.

relax

that's what i'm trying to do. i'm trying to resist the temptation to check the babycenter board. after two months of checking several times a day, it's hard to get out of the habit. i'm also trying not to think about ttc all the time, but every time i get into a groove where i'm focused on other things, i walk by a pregnant woman or an adorable little kidlet, and it all comes rushing back... how much i want to be a mom... how much i want to see mil as a dad. at least i'm beginning to realize that although it may not happen right away... it will happen one way or another. baby steps, right?

going to see "knocked up" was probably not the best way to get my mind off of it, but it was a fun movie. the guy -- while being a bit of an oaf -- was a sweetheart, and i was impressed that katherine heigl was able to carry all that leggy, blonde gorgeousness and still be funny... and human. i definitely recommend it.

on another topic entirely, mil is graduated... he has a b.a. in biochemistry. pretty cool. today we are heading up to someplace in westchester to celebrate with some of his friends. should be nice...