possibly fertile

so it appears that i am "possibly fertile." thankfully my monitor decided to display something other than "low" yesterday, so mil and i got down with the snu-snu. i've decided that "dancing" and "baby dancing" imply a certain spontaneity and an expectation that the "dancing" will result in a baby that no longer really applies to the situation. my calling mil at school in the afternoon to report a "high" reading on my cbefm, does not good foreplay make. don't get me wrong, we try to take the time to enjoy eachother's company, but knowing that you have to snu-snu takes away a certain romance from the act. of course, i'm not the first i.f. person to note this phenomenon... in fact, many a fertile woman has bemoaned the militant timing that goes into the "baby dance" as well. fortunately, the stars aligned, and i was in the mood at the same time the cbefm pronounced me of "high" (ha!) fertility, so a good time was had by all. (for some splendid reason, mil still only needs the suggestion of snu-snu to get in the mood.)

on another note, i finally told my brother that mil and i were having difficulty producing offspring the old-fashioned way. it was good to tell him... at least it might explain some of my bizarre and unexpected reactions to his "good news" that his wife is still blissfully pregnant and they saw the little wiglet on the ultrasound. don't get me wrong, i was very happy for them -- i want them to have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy, so i can have another niece/nephew to shower with all of the affection i can't yet give my own children, but i can't quite force the level of enthusiasm i know my brother wants and needs now that my mother is gone. hopefully, my explanation at least puts some pieces together for him and will offer me a little reprieve from questions as to when mil and i will start having kids of our own.

things that make you go "hmm..?"

so, it's cd 13, and i'm still getting a "low" reading on my cbefm... this is weird. the last 3 times i used this little contraption, i've had a high reading by cd 11. what could this mean? i'm temping as well, so i guess i'll have a back-up if it's the cbefm on the fritz... but that obviously doesn't help me predict my ovulation. i'm not gonna worry yet. maybe i'm just having a wonky cycle.

i have another question for the group. this is one of those questions that reminds me why i haven't invited my irl friends/family to read this blog, and if you're not comfortable with bodily fluid talk, you may want to stop here. anyway, to get to the point, i have had pretty much constant, mild yeast infections/bv since i had to take multiple antibiotics years ago for recurrent tonsillitis. i was just reading that bv can lead to pid (which i don't think i have but will ask my doctor about on my next visit) which can cause serious i.f. problems, but has anyone else had/heard of i.f. issues stemming from one or the other of these infections? just curious... i asked my ob-gyn if she thought this might cause fertility problems when i saw her last year, but she shrugged her shoulders and said, "shouldn't be a problem." (this is why i'm looking for a new ob-gyn... grr.)

back

so, i'm back from vail. my dad, brother, and i went for a brief ski trip -- that started out as a business meeting. fortunately the business meeting was canceled, so we got to spend all three days on the slopes. yay! the weather and the snow were pretty much perfect, so it was a great escape from the city crowds... albeit a very brief escape.

mil has agreed to starting the i.f. diagnostics sooner rather than later, assuming that we can find a clinic that will see us at off hours. i hope that there's someplace nearby that will do that because the poor guy has a busy enough schedule... he doesn't need to be making trips back to manhattan in the middle of the day just to wank into a cup. that wouldn't be fun. then again, who said that any of this is fun.

i have an annual check-up with my primary care doc early next month, so i will talk to her about all of this, and hopefully she can hook me up with a doctor and a lab (thanks for the tip, katie!) that's on our insurance... and hopefully meets some of the other qualifications you ladies mentioned. thank you for the advice! i'm ready to get this train out of the station. in the meantime, i'm trying to remember to take my temp in the morning and check my hormones on the little cbefm. you know they should make a little cbefm ticker, so you can show your daily reading... that would be fun!

***
update: i've added a fertility friend ticker at the bottom of the page in case you are curious as to where i am in my cycle (this will have to do until i can create my own little cbefm monitor tracker), and i've added a little news widget on the side. i'm pretty impressed that all i had to type in was "infertility" and suddenly i have a little rss news feed on the side of my blog... pretty cool.

cramps

cramps this month seem worse than ever... i don't know if it's psychological (a third close family friend announced her pregnancy this weekend) or physical... af came with a vengeance this morning with nary a warning spot. month 15 of trying by my count... i think we've played the odds, and they are no longer in our favor. bad luck and poor timing can't account for an 0 and 15 record. something else is at work here, and i'm ready to figure out what it is. i think i'm going to have a little chat with mil to see if we can move up our schedule without negatively affecting his schoolwork. the summer just seems an eternity away.

how did you go about finding your r.e.? any suggestions on where to start? i have an appointment with my primary care doctor in march. i think i may just ask her for a referral since i'll need one to utilize my puny insurance coverage anyway.

randomness

does anyone else use google for spellcheck?

any other folks salivating over the iphone? i lost (i.e., left) my ipod on a flight from houston to ny, and i've been wanting an iphone ever since. i'm trying to hold out until they have at least 32gb of storage, but it's proving quite difficult. the adult in me knows it's stupid to buy now, but the technophile in me is just saying: gimme, gimme, gimme.

speaking of the technophile in me... have you guys seen these? so cute! must have one!

wow, i don't know what i'm going to do when i have to start paying for i/f treatments. i'll have to learn self-restraint. what's funny, is that my area of psych research is on delay of gratification. i'm a prime example of what not to do.

ah... tuesday

supertuesday, in fact. have you voted? i hope so! (then again, some of you can't) so exciting... i'm in the fortunate position to have to choose between two decent candidates. such a rare treat.

mil and i have given this month the old college try. maybe life will surprise me, but for some reason i tend to doubt it. i've already bought a new box of tampons, so clearly my hopes are low. i think if mil were able, i'd start this i/f treatment stuff right now. but, alas, he's still knee-deep in biochemistry books.

based on my imperfect memory, i'd guess i'm on cd 21... about 6-8 dpo. on day 14, i started taking some lh tests, and since they were just getting lighter and lighter, i decided to take my temperature to discover that i'd already ovulated. yay! fortunately, mil and i had been taking care of business earlier in the week just in case. if you can't tell, i'll probably be cracking open that cbefm again next month... enough of this taking it easy, i want to get pregnant d*mmit! (oh, and just to make matters more annoying, i got a call from a close family friend who got married a year after us -- she's pregnant! yay! ...grumble.)