ugh... i know what i'm supposed to feel, but it doesn't seem to help. i just found out that my sister-in-law is pregnant again. i know i should be happy for them, but instead i'm just pissed. i shouldn't be pissed at them -- they didn't know that we've been trying for almost 9 months -- and it's not their fault that they're uber-fertile. it just seems so un-freaking-fair! and, yes, i know life's not fair, and i don't know why this just seems so personal, but it is. it feels like mother nature is slapping me in my face... look, your tall, thin, blonde, sorority sister-in-law can get pregnant while she's breast-feeding, and you can't even turn a line blue with all the gadgets and gizmos babycenter has to offer. i feel like i've taken care of myself my whole life -- i rarely smoked, had very few partners (like i can count 'em on one hand), i've been active and eaten well my entire life... and this is what i have to show for it... 9 months without so much as a missed period.
i know i need to get over this... jealousy doesn't make me feel any better about my chronic failure to conceive. i just have to remember that it ain't all about me... and other people's successes don't have any impact on whether i fail or succeed. and i plan to succeed... and darn it, my success will be cuter (or at least smarter) than theirs... (i'm not petty... no.)
ok, thanks for the vent. mil is off at school today, so i don't have my usual shoulder to cry on... and izzy's shoulder just isn't that big.
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Don't at all feel badly for being upset! It's totally and completely normal for you to feel so and I honestly think that they would understand your feelings. Don't downplay them. I'm glad that you are determined to succeed and yes, your kids WILL be smarter. :)
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