yup. another period. at least there wasn't much of a rollercoaster this time... mostly because i was on vacation with my family and therefore didn't have the time to think about (or anyone to talk to about with) the dreaded tww. also because my niece had a bit of a fever at the beginning of our trip, so i lent my bbt to them... which i have yet to get back. it's bad enough that they flaunt their fertility in front of me, now they're hijacking my baby-makin' thermometer... kidding, kidding. it has actually brought me one good thing. i think from now on, i might just dump the thermometer after i've confirmed ovulation. nothing good seems to come from keeping track.
so now we head into month 11. even though i'm not technically infertile yet, i feel like i'm as good as there. we've definitely timed our dancing pretty well at least half of those months. of course, as my darling mil states, being infertile doesn't mean that we definitely won't get pg naturally... it just means that it's gonna be dang hard (and dang long)... if it happens at all. i still need to find a way to gently nudge him to make an appointment for semen analysis. he's super busy, and i know he doesn't really want to think about this stuff, but i'd like to start figuring out what the heck is wrong... so maybe we can do something about it. i'm really not fond of the jealous wannabemom i've become. i have started glaring at the bulging bellies of the pregnant ladies in my building, and even being with my niece is a little painful. super fun, but, you know, it still hurts... being the aunt and not the mom. i think i might even be avoiding one of my good friends because she's pregnant with her second. i was so much more excited for her the first time around... long before we began our own attempts at parenthood. i want to be that way again. i've always been so happy with my life... and i am. i just don't know how to deal with all of these ugly feelings.
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I am sorry that your period came again. The only good thing about it ist that it is period 11. Period 12 brings you from the gray area into needing help. So at least you can start taking action. A small consolation, at best, I know.
I also hate all of the mean and ungracious thoughts that crowd my head and heart. I hate the fact that when I hear that someone is pregnant, jealousy is the first feeling that comes to mind. I used to jump up and down with happiness when others announced a pregnancy. Now, I just cry.
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