so, i was going to write this post yesterday... or the day before, but then i couldn't think of a title for it. so i didn't. anyway, i've decided that it doesn't need a title, so here goes.

last weekend i saw "vicky christina barcelona." not a catchy title, i know. it's woody allen's newest enterprise, and surprisingly enough, it's set in barcelona. it hasn't been incredibly well reviewed, and for perhaps good reason. it doesn't have much in the way of a plot. two american girls go to barcelona for a summer and meet a sexy spaniard who wants to fly them off to a small spanish town, so they can enjoy art and making love together. the girls are of two minds, one finds the invitation exciting and intriguing while the other finds it deplorable and disgusting. much confusion and passionate love-making ensue. a brazen and more-than-a-little-crazy penelope cruz enters the scene, and more confusion and passionate love-making -- and a little violence -- ensues. you pretty much get this all from the trailer.

anyway, the bottom line is that i liked it. i actually recommend it. i didn't expect to. sexy romps aren't really my thing... though sexy romps in exotic locales is a little more my speed. the real interest for me, however, was the girl who was against running off with locals to undisclosed locations. that is me. totally. i am practical. i expect that strangers are capable of killing you and leaving your remains at the side of the road... or at least giving you a nasty std. but when i was watching the movie, i kept thinking, "go! ... have fun! ... live a little! stop being so dang practical!"

of course this is a movie, there are no repercussions for me if the two girls are never seen again. but it was weird feeling -- that tug against my practical side... being annoyed by the practicality of it all. it was somewhat liberating to see what could be if you take a chance... do something a bit crazy and impractical.

it made me realize that in many ways, i limit myself by being so reasonable.. so responsible. i wonder if my job dissatisfaction comes from that same place. that maybe if i was willing to take more of a risk, i'd find myself doing something that i love... opening a cafe or baking or being a photographer... it all takes a leap, and i've never been one to leap... i take little practical steps, and so far, at least professionally, those little steps haven't taken me anywhere interesting.

here she comes again

well, to be precise, she already came. a couple of days "late" -- but here nonetheless. my cycle seems to be a little less predictable than it was a couple of months ago. it had always been 28 days on the dot, but now it seems to be closer to 30-31 days. the cramps had me well prepared, but no matter how ridiculous it seems, being even an hour late brings a hint of hope. all of my typical pms symptoms were there, but the lack of af birthed a little voice... a little voice that said "maybe." well, af shut her up. thank you.

in addition to the banner, i've updated the little "about us" section and added a few links to the sidebar. i'm eager to do more... my creativity needs an outlet, but i have yet to figure out what that would be.

i realized that there are a couple of non-ttc/if things that are happening in my life that might be of some remote interest. 1) i registered for a photography course. i am very excited, but somewhat annoyed because i ordered the class textbook yesterday, and today i received an email that they had told us the wrong book. urgh! other than that though... i can't wait to improve my photography skills. maybe it will even lead to a new, more exciting career... who knows? 2) we might have found a place to live! this is far more thrilling than the photography class. we've been looking for a 2 bedroom apt since last july, but we had been looking in brooklyn (makes sense since that's where mil's med school is). well, last week we decided that brooklyn is nice and all, but far too expensive for the market. we should pay more and live in manhattan! well, it wasn't exactly that... it's a much longer, more revealing story i'm not quite ready to tell. but the bottom line is that it seems like it will happen, and it has a washer/dryer! i know, i know, such luxury!

meandering

one of the blogs i read pretty regularly recently announced that they have become pregnant with their second child. when i first saw the announcement, my heart sank. i know how selfish that sounds. i was also truly happy for them. just from reading their blog, i know that they are warm, smart, caring parents... just the type any child would be lucky to have. but... i also knew that i would be reading pregnancy posts for the next several months. posts that, while insightful and entertaining, would only remind me how empty my womb currently is. i hate that reminder... whatever form it comes in. and yet i can't hide from pregnancy. i want to find a way to make peace with this journey i've found myself on. i believe that life is in the living, and we can't live for the future... my mom's cancer is a constant reminder of that. i think this means i have to put some time and effort into myself, right now, who and where i am at this moment. mostly that means i need to figure out what to do with my career... i need to be doing something i love, not something that just pays some of the bills.